No PHP, please.

Dear Recruiters,

PHP is just plain bad. I’m sure there are people who like it and sing its praises; I’m just not one of them. Please don’t waste my time and yours by telling me about a PHP job.

Why No PHP?

“Look, I get it that PHP is [T]uring complete and that it can do anything. But that doesn’t mean it is a good idea. Know when to say no to an idea.” —Someone on Reddit

• PHP Sadness

So What’s OK?

• The magnificent Haskell.
• The lovely Scala.
• F#.
• Clojure. (Do you see a pattern here?)
• Rust.
• Go.
• Python.
• Something else, provided that it has none of the terrible features of PHP!